Listening is an art, and something that can be better practiced and utilized by anyone. Whether you zone out or feel like you’re not understanding others’ perspectives, practicing good listening can make your relationships better. These can be relationships with your friends and family, with your boss and colleagues, or even with people who hold very different views from you.
The more you practice better listening techniques, the more you can create deeper, healthier, and more satisfying relationships. This can also improve relationships you have that are challenging, strained, or stressful. Cultivate your own listening best practices with these tips.
Research has found that when people are asked questions, they have a more favorable view of the person asking the questions. This could be because people feel paid attention to when someone wants to know more about their story. So whether you’re meeting new people for the first time at a party or having a conversation with your family at the dinner table, make it a practice to ask questions about what they’re saying.
If you find that people are answering with one-word responses, try reframing your questions to give them space to expand. For example, instead of asking your child, “How was your day at school?” you can ask, “What was the most interesting thing you learned today?” or “What was something surprising or strange that happened during your day?”
A common listening technique is to repeat back to the person who was speaking what you heard them say. Not only will this show the listener that you were paying attention, it will also provide you and them an opportunity for clarity or correction. Perhaps they said something that they didn’t mean to say, or you heard something in a way that they didn’t intend. Patiently and calmly talking through what they said can help you both become better communicators and listeners.
As humans, we often tend to make things about ourselves. That’s natural, as we only have our own worldview through which to filter our experiences. However, this can mean that sometimes someone says something that you may assume is an attack on what you believe in or on the things you do. Feelings of defensiveness disrupt good listening and may escalate conflict. But if we practice approaching conversations with an assumption that the other person means us goodwill, we can give ourselves space to be curious and learn from someone else.
Crossing your arms and keeping a blank facial expression may signal to the speaker that you are defensive or don’t care about what they are saying. Instead, lean forward, maintain eye contact, and nod to show you are listening. Don’t glance down at your phone or pay attention to distractions like people walking by. Good body language goes a long way in helping people feel comfortable sharing their truth with you. This can then build a great foundation for trust, respect, and vulnerability.
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